Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
