Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
