Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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