ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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