oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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