im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
