it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
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Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
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In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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