you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Randomize
