So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Randomize
