You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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