Just fell off a train. Bad.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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