I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
