I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize