threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
