I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
