Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
