i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
