Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
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She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
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Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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