I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
