oh fat girl friday strikes again...
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
