Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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