I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Is it because I queefed?
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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