Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I think my fart just growled at me.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Randomize
