apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.