I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Randomize
