Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked