i jhust puked up my retainher.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?