U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
