bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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