She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
