Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
