Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
