Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Im part way to drunk.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
