wanna go halves on a baby?
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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