Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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