I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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