its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
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im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
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It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.