OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER