nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want