Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail