So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
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Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
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Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange