he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.