He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
they need to just BURY HIM!
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.