I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
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