btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Randomize
