apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
