so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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