You work out of a Hotel?
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
