how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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