I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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