The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
