I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
