Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
