Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Drunk is not a location!
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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