I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
