Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
The uberlube is also flammable
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Randomize
