I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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