I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
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but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
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My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I think my moral compass just broke
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