Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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