Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
