I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize