I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
