Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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