Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
