Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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