Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
