dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
