then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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