A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
