Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
