He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
