so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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