I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
