Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
