Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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