the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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