it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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