do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
