he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
im holly from the hills drunk
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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