Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Randomize
