i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Non-Jews are for practice
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
