I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
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i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
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This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
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