doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
