Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
