I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
