At least make sure they are 18
Why
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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